Another one of those really hard days. I still have hope.
Today, i lost my loved one. It's been a week and it's over. : ) It's good and the pain flows through my veins and vexes me through my pours. It wasn't a waste. It had just been a long misunderstanding between two people who just wanted to be loved.
It was a wonderful trip.
A great adventure that i didn't expect to end, but like all adventures, like life, love must end. The grasp on love must slip at one point to make us appreciate it more. To give us a deeper life experience, to learn.
The most valuable experience learned this time is to not settle for less.
Don't go for someone who can only give you love. They must be able to understand me, my ins and my outs.
To really love me for being me. I must love that person for all their characteristics, for all their wonders.
The relationship is about the two of us, not just me, not just him. I must not give so easily of myself. I will make my next love worth it. He will be perfect to me.
English Toad
(It's about my English Prof. )
The First sight is sore,
Cold forebearing seeps into my heart,
Annoyance arrising with in the first 10 minutes,
Said twice before; is now said once again.
Crazed feelings are thrown at me,
can't keep still,
uncontrollable twitching of hands,
annoyance filled; the pot is spilling,
this boiling annoyance,
Thoughts of leaving,
Shoving my papers and books into my bag,
Throwing over my shoulder,
Rigid movements, leaving.
Annoyance left,
Shocked faces, and no sound.
Laughter fills my eager heart.
Done and over for the day.
(i really hate her)
Today is Monday and i have nothing to say. i can complain, but i still will have the same output no matter how i try to resist.
I will go to all my classes. i will go to work at 2:30. I will get off at 8:00 pm and then i will come home. Find something to eat, i will take a shower, maybe do some more laundry, then i will go to sleep. It's as easy as that. : )
I am so tired and i m happy tomorrow will be my last day of work till Friday when i have to come in for 6hours.
Right now im playing mafia wars on facebook, waiting for the time to pass so that i can go to one more class.
woot
im getting bored and i havent heard anything back from chad... I hope something goes well with that.
I need a spurt in my dating.
i wanna date a lot of people before i fall head over heals again. I wanna know the person for who they really, i wanna know their limits before i choose who im going to spend the rest of my life with them.
I really want to be happy, and i am. : )
I don't need Joe any more, and its satisfying too me.
IM HAPPY!!!
Just a little bored!
and i can get through this bored ness, just keep myself busy and i'm golden. I have a great family and a great life, and im going to be successful and i m going to live life to the fullest!
Because it's mine, and it;s not anyone's to control.
And from kate's told me: "Don't fall for this" : )
And i promise that i wont, nor will i ever.
LOve SL
Today i noticed something very beautiful in my mother, and i can't explain it. It was so beautiful and sweet and pure. Youth in her eyes. so much vigor in such a tired body.
I'm so glad that to day is over and that i can now have a day away from my responsiblilites : )
it feels great!
I'm probably gonna hang out with my brother, maybe go on a blind date lol, oh mystie and then hopefully sleep the rest of it.
that would make me soooo happy : )
that's all i want in life at this moment. I don't even need joe to feel good anymore. I wasn't worth his time so, i wasn't needed. Which makes me feel good for some reason. I'm not ever really sad, still a bit stunned, that all we went through we can't do this. oh well : ) Im fine.
Sarah
It's only Tuesday, i wish it were the weekend, I'd have a pay check and i could spend it on something outrageous. Im handling what i thought would be the toughest time of my life better then i thought i would. : )
It doesn't hurt as much when i can't have him, then when i could and still he wasn't there.
If you know what i mean...
I'm advancing myself and making everything better for me.
I got my job and i worked 9 1/2 hours. It was pretty great. : P
I don't have to worry any more about not having a job.
My friend is trying to set me up on a blind date soon, which is going to be fun. I don't want to be looking into any kind of serious relationship. I don't want to be in the same state as i once was. : P
I want to be happy now.
It will be easier.
Had another zombie dream.
Stupid.
i hate them, they freaken wake me up all scared and shit.
i watched role models last night, im getting over the break.
It dosen't matter there a better people out there for me. i know there are.
And i don't want to live with knowing i wasted something speacial with someone i thought i loved.
So he's an idiot, and he lost me. I really hope he turns his life around. If he come's back begging for me, it wont happen.
I m not taking him back.
it's coming and it's coming swiftly.
he wont tell me that he loves me because i ve made him so mad. and i can't get him to love me.
ive hurt him for too long, and made him feel leashed.
i don't want that
i don't want to leash another human
i shouldn't care
but he was really my first real lover.
the one that truly love me right
that gave me the attention i deserved.
That's all i needed
Thank you Joe
